Dear Reader,

We would like to sincerely apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities.

Had we exercised better judgment, we would have certainly realized that disparaging the practice of sacrificing kittens to Zurbooza The God of Igneous Rocks with a DR Power Chipper would offend your deeply-held religious beliefs. We realize now that this regrettable display of intolerance has deeply wounded your tender psyche and caused in you an aversion to seeking effective treatment options for your chronic hemorrhoids.

It was not our intent to cause you irreversable mental anguish, and we regret very deeply that you are now prescribed thorazine in truckload lots.

We do understand that it will take years of therapy to recover from this traumatic experience, but look on the bright side here. Your patronage of a new-age psychic for weekly therapeutic toenail readings will make a meaningful contribution to our local economy and ensure the continued flow of tax revenues in support of fashion consultants for transgendered public school employees.

With our most sincere apologies,
The Staff At Black Velvet Bruce Li

PS: If you feel that this apology is insufficient, please hit the refresh button on your browser in order to receive another.