Dear Reader,

We would like to sincerely apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities.

Had we exercised better judgment here, we would not have torn away the liberal fantasy world that is the foundation of your delusional existence by demonstrating that illegal aliens are actually in violation of federal immigration laws. Now that you realize that all of your friends are in danger of being deported, you still have the option of buying a plane ticket to Outer Nutbagistan so you can be with them after they are hauled off, however.

It was not our intent to cause you irreversable mental anguish, and we regret very deeply that you believe that you are a long-deceased historical figure known for torturing ethnic minorities so they would pledge their allegiance to Vlad The Impaler.

Although the experience of reading this website has regrettably caused such deep personal harm, we hope you can take solace in the fact that you have the power to dramatically improve the quality, performance and experience of the human species by smearing yourself with bacon drippings and leaping into the tiger enclosure of your nearest zoological park. We can guarantee that within a few short moments, this would result in a measurable improvement in the collective mental wellness of the nation we love so dearly. It's an idea worthy of your consideration.

With our most sincere apologies,
The Staff At Black Velvet Bruce Li

PS: If you feel that this apology is insufficient, please hit the refresh button on your browser in order to receive another.