We would like to sincerely apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities.
We deeply regret that the mental disorder you tragically suffer from has developed into a full-blown clinical psychosis as a result of being told that the Cow actually says "Moo" instead of "Take me to your leader". Fear not however, as you can still safely enjoy the nutritional benefits of the belly button lint of yourself and others, the consumption of which currently has no proven adverse effects.
It was not our intent to cause you irreversable mental anguish, and we regret very deeply that you are convinced that aliens are sneaking into your house and stealing from the stash of Hostess Twinkies you keep under your bed.
We do understand that it will take years of therapy to recover from this traumatic experience, but look on the bright side here. Your patronage of a new-age psychic for weekly therapeutic toenail readings will make a meaningful contribution to our local economy and ensure the continued flow of tax revenues in support of fashion consultants for transgendered public school employees.
With our most sincere apologies,
The Staff At Black Velvet Bruce Li
PS: If you feel that this apology is insufficient, please hit the refresh button on your browser in order to receive another.