Dear Reader,

We would like to sincerely apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities.

We deeply regret that the mental disorder you tragically suffer from has developed into a full-blown clinical psychosis as a result of being told that the Cow actually says "Moo" instead of "Take me to your leader". Fear not however, as you can still safely enjoy the nutritional benefits of the belly button lint of yourself and others, the consumption of which currently has no proven adverse effects.

It was not our intent to cause you irreversable mental anguish, and we regret very deeply that you are now prescribed thorazine in truckload lots.

Although the experience of reading this website has regrettably caused such deep personal harm, we hope you can take solace in the fact that you have the power to dramatically improve the quality, performance and experience of the human species by smearing yourself with bacon drippings and leaping into the tiger enclosure of your nearest zoological park. We can guarantee that within a few short moments, this would result in a measurable improvement in the collective mental wellness of the nation we love so dearly. It's an idea worthy of your consideration.

With our most sincere apologies,
The Staff At Black Velvet Bruce Li

PS: If you feel that this apology is insufficient, please hit the refresh button on your browser in order to receive another.