Dear Reader,

We would like to sincerely apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities.

We should have been more aware that your meaningless life, which is based on perpetuating your permanent sense of victimhood would be rocked by a demonstration of the basic truths which you perpetually seek to avoid. We did not mean to cause you to wander the aisles of your local Wal-Mart in search for whatever ancient wisdom may be hidden within the nutritional labels of snack foods imported from China.

It was not our intent to cause you irreversable mental anguish, and we regret very deeply that you believe that you are a long-deceased historical figure known for torturing ethnic minorities so they would pledge their allegiance to Vlad The Impaler.

Although it will take years of group therapy to work through the trauma of realizing that the chemical properties your body odor have been commercially marketed as a riot control agent by Haliburton, we would be happy to provide chemical protective gear to members of your support group so they can tolerate your presence until scientists can develop a treatment that can provide you with relief. Please let us know how many gas masks you require.

With our most sincere apologies,
The Staff At Black Velvet Bruce Li

PS: If you feel that this apology is insufficient, please hit the refresh button on your browser in order to receive another.