Dear Reader,

We would like to sincerely apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities.

We should have been more aware that your meaningless life, which is based on perpetuating your permanent sense of victimhood would be rocked by a demonstration of the basic truths which you perpetually seek to avoid. We did not mean to cause you to wander the aisles of your local Wal-Mart in search for whatever ancient wisdom may be hidden within the nutritional labels of snack foods imported from China.

It was not our intent to cause you irreversable mental anguish, and we regret very deeply that you have decided that going on an exclusive diet of fried rodents is the best means to stop the voices in your head, resulting in a weight gain of fifty pounds.

Although the experience of reading this website has regrettably caused such deep personal harm, we hope you can take solace in the fact that you have the power to dramatically improve the quality, performance and experience of the human species by smearing yourself with bacon drippings and leaping into the tiger enclosure of your nearest zoological park. We can guarantee that within a few short moments, this would result in a measurable improvement in the collective mental wellness of the nation we love so dearly. It's an idea worthy of your consideration.

With our most sincere apologies,
The Staff At Black Velvet Bruce Li

PS: If you feel that this apology is insufficient, please hit the refresh button on your browser in order to receive another.