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The Park’s Dramatic Public Safety Upgrade
By Greg L | 1 May 2007 | Manassas Park, Humor & Satire | 4 Comments
The Manassas Park Police Department seems to be pioneering a new high-technology program which will allow automated systems to investigate crimes and arrest suspects. It might come as a surprise to you, as it has to me, but from the looks of today’s Manassas Journal-Messenger editorial, the new police facility is equipped with dramatic technology improvements that should help residents sleep better at night, knowing that the rising crime rate in Manassas Park is bound to be reduced to a level consistent with at least a third-world country.
The article paints a somber story of just how desperate the situation was for Manassas Park’s Finest before these upgrades were put in place:
Those people were all being protected by a police force which had an approximately 20-year-old base of operations with a leaky roof, old-fashioned ink fingerprinting technology and limited phone and computer access.
Manassas Park residents might not have slept well knowing that. Now, they need not worry. The Manassas Park police department recently moved to its new 23,000-square foot, $8.5 million facility.
Fear not, dear citizens. Plasma television screens will soon be leaping off the walls in meeting rooms, rocketing out of this multi-million dollar facility, and racing down the street to apprehend the criminals who previously roamed free, confident that with a leaky roof at police headquarters, officers were too busy rearranging buckets to catch dripping water to bother with arresting them. Officers now have sufficient computer resources to have the entire police force man computer terminals and remotely direct hundreds of law enforcement appliances, or surf the internet, depending on the circumstances and the availability of law enforcement appliances from their manufacturer in North Korea:
Police now have a state-of-the-art facility, including plasma screen televisions in meeting and communications rooms, a computer for each of the force’s 32 sworn officers, digital fingerprinting technology and an indoor firing range.
I feel safer already. Way to go, Manassas Park! It’s so good to see a city so easily able to make such critical investments that are so closely related to the welfare and security of city residents.
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4 Comments
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All paid for in part by my $4100 a year in taxes on a house that I would be lucky to sell for 300k these days. MP still says it is worth 345k though so they must be right…
30% of my mortgage now goes to my tax escrow. Where will it end?
Just asking-
Is this why pehaps Manassas City Police Department wants their own firing range? One up on M.P.?
Should have been perhaps
More cargo-cult bulls**t.
[Ed note: comment edited.]