"We have lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge" - Barack Obama (aka President Malaise)
It’s “Be Cruel To Telemarketers Week”
By Greg L | 6 October 2007 | Humor & Satire | 24 Comments
Just to get those creative juices flowing…
Before playing this, make sure you have removed any beverages from the vicinity of your computer.
H/T: Kilo.
The opinions expressed here are solely the views of the author, and not representative of the position of any organization, political party, doughnut shop, knitting guild, or waste recycling facility, but may be correctly attributed to the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. If anything in the above article has offended you, please click here to receive an immediate apology.
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24 Comments
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I love it!
What a great idea!
On the serious side…. if you signed up on the “DO NOT CALL” registry, the list expires next summer and you will have to re-register to block the telemarketers. It was only good for 5 years.
How GREAT this is!!!!
HA, HA, HA - What jolly great fun (for a 12 yr old maybe). Someone who’s trying to make a living the worst way I can imagine, is being used for your “enjoyment”. “Be cruel to telemarketers week”! Indeed its cruel, no doubt about it. I can’t imagine anyone doing that kind of job unless absolutely necessary, and he doesn’t deserve the ridicule you seem to enjoy heaping on. When called, just say NO THANK YOU and hang up, but that wouldn’t satisfy the little devil in you that says: “I can have some fun at this guys expense”.
The same kind of meanness came out a while back when someone wrote about grilling a young political canvasser.
How about a NATIONAL BROTHERHOOD WEEK like Tom Lehrer sang about back in the 60s.
“Step up and shake the hand of someone you can’t stand
You can tolerate it if you try.”
Thanks for the tolerance “teaching moment’. You display the type of tolerance we should all aspire to practice. Mighty tolerant of you, Krustis but sorry, no sale.
You don’t want tolerance - you want submission and oppression. You want a select few to act with impunity, while the rest of us bow to your dictates. We who have no rights - only obligations.
You want to talk about the deterioration of good manners, civility and common decency? How about the people who intrude upon the privacy and sanctity of my home - by calling my phone # - which I pay for MY use, to pitch a sale without my invitation, consent and against my will.
Just becouse they are sold on the idea that someone is willing to pay them to be intrusive doesn’t mean that I have to affirm their choice.
I have rarely ever been rude to telemarketers, but I will say “This is not a good time for me to take a call … would you provide me with your home phone number so that we can talk when it is convenient for me?
Hard to shake that hand when they won’t even exchange phone numbers …Hard to have one of those Woodstock “Love the one you’re with” moments when they won’t love you back.
This tact works amazingly well when we get the ” Hello and how are you today ? This is Richard calling from Cleveland..” calls and the guy is clearly calling from some local in Asia.
Advise to Bridget: Don’t answer your phone until you see who’s calling! Simple, isn’t it. There’s no rule that says that you HAVE to answer every call. As say, it’s YOUR phone, and YOU are paying for it, and it’s YOUR choice, whether to answer or not.
I read somewhere that Alexander Graham Bell did not allow a telephone to be installed in his home as he considered anyone calling as a rude intruder.
Whomever pranked the telemarker probably gave him a great story to tell his buddies on the weekend.
Legal2 - Thanks. Bridget, there you have the solution. No phone! - A totally unnecessary aside; a think a TELEMARKER is a skier.
Krutis bloviated: “HA, HA, HA - What jolly great fun (for a 12 yr old maybe). Someone who’s trying to make a living the worst way I can imagine, is being used for your “enjoyment”.
That’s the worst way you can imagine? Your imagination needs work! What about cleaning out other folks septic tanks for a living? Working in a burn ward? Slaughter house? Land fill? Psych ward at a prison? Many jobs are far worse than sitting behind a phone bank having a computer randomly call people to sell stuff to. Good grief!
No one put a gun to the telemarketer’s head and forced them into that job. And rejection is a part of that job.
“Be cruel to telemarketers week”! Indeed its cruel, no doubt about it […].”
If picking on a telemarketer is “cruel”, what adjective do you use for Auschwitz? Ubercruel?
“When called, just say NO THANK YOU and hang up, but that wouldn’t satisfy the little devil in you that says: “I can have some fun at this guys expense”.
You obviously haven’t dealt with telemarketers very much in your bubble. A lot of times, if you hang up on them, they will put you back in their queue and their phone bank will call you again. And again. And again.
Sorry, Kru, my point was that people calling you are imposing themselves on you. They will have to take whatever they get on the other end.
Is there really anyone here who didn’t sign up on the national do-not-call list? Are you all masochists?
My experience is that it works well, although I still get occasionally get calls from place like theaters, etc. where I have, as the exemption puts it, a pre-existing relationship. The tape above is clever, but I have this odd feeling it was staged. It’s too clear, there is not enough overlap, and the language seems off. But maybe it’s for real.
PS: If you want to register, go to:
https://www.donotcall.gov/
It will be good for five years and then you will have to re-do it. You can check your expiration date anytime.
Leila, we’ve been on the “Do Not Call” list since its inception! Little good it did until, perhaps, this year. I HAVE noticed a gradual slowdown of annoying calls lately but, for the previous 4 years, they didn’t slow down one iota…may have even increased in the first year. You bet I get nasty with these telemarketers…and I log and report them!
That’s terrible AW. I admit to being annoyed by the calls I do get, but they are all legitimately under the exemption. But I do know how bad it can be. Years ago, before the list, I abandoned having an answering machine because of telemarketers.
Anonymous on 7 Oct 2007 at 4:32 pm:
Well since I am (and millions of others) are on the “no call list” I don’t think too many of them will be calling and if they do, they will pay dearly for their obstinance. Caller ID is the best thing since sliced bread!
The big problem, Anonymous, is that those telemarketing departments are listed as “blocked” or “unknown” callers, generally with no telephone numbers. That’s why I keep them on long enough to get the exact name of the company for whom they’re calling before I tear them a new one!
Thanks again, Krut, for yet another informative teaching moment.
Caller ID in place and operational for years - albeit, not every welcomed communication comes with an ID. As was the case, for example, when my neice was using long distance phone cards to call from college.
Removing my phone - now that there is pure genius. A brilliant plan; fits right in with that punish and inconvenience the innocent while allowing the toads free reign and the right to act with impunity policy.
Have also had the do-not-call from its inception - with mixed bag results.
We can go for months without an intrusive call - then get hit with a flurry. It is by no means a fail-safe filter. But far better than nothing.
My father, an elderly retiree, was hit very heavily by all sorts of sales calls and con artists who attemted to target him via his home phone.
They pulled all manner of emotional blackmail and manipulation. Guilt, pity, threats -you name it. Being a pragmatist, nobody got a dime from my dad … although he did have to undergo the headache of having his number changed and unlisted half a dozen times.
And yes, Krutis, there came a point when he had to disconect his phone just to get some rest from the relentless barrage … not cool , not at any age nor for any length of time, when you are cut off from the outside world; friends, family and the availability of 911, police, fire and rescue support. While I don’t know you from a can of paint, never would I wish that upon you or the ones you love.
Sadly, my father has a peer group is often the target of phone and mail scams. We were one of the many families who submitted phone records as evidence of abuse and harassment to the folks who lobbied to get that no-call protection in place.
Given the current and expanding demographics of my neighborhood, most of our solicitous calls now come from Spanish speakers.
Bridget - I see your problem and I sincerely apologize for my glib remarks. Sometimes I think I’m sooo smart.
Why am I up at this hour? Well, the phone rang! Two signals before I picked up; no voice. My son lives exactly halfway around the globe from me, and I answer middle-of-the night calls. Also, tonight my granddaughter is out camping!
My stupid so called advise to pull the phone was just a stupid so called joke. I sometimes engage my fingers before engaging my brain. Eating crow once in a while is good for rash “thinkers”. Now I’ll go back to bed.
Apology accepted and much appreciated.
I thank you, Krutis, and this time sans my own snarky sarcasm - which I opologize for … but will no doubt utilize during future battles !!! All’s fair … but it is grand when a break in the battle allows us to share a few family snapshots … a way to remember that behind and beyond these computers we all have marvelous and sometimes (or often) messy flesh and blood lives.
The phone problem is clearly not my own … and if a poll were taken, I have no doubt that most phone users would vote to be emancipated from predatory calls.
Not knowing if the tape was real or scripted did not prevent me from having a chuckle … for the simple reason that I could relate to both parties involved.
At any rate, all my best to you and yours, and lets hope that your granddaughter remembered to pack plenty of bug repellent! We had to learn the hard way that Fall camping trips, if possible, are often best taken after that first frost.
Cheers.
I’ve always preferred the “Not-well-I-just-got-a-[dread disease]-diagnosis” gambit when they ask “How are you?” It’s rendered in full knowledge they don’t give a s***.”
Then there’s the “Can-I-still-get-this-with-a-recent-bankruptcy?” gambit, if you really want to string them along.
You can try my technique (s) to deal with Telemarketers.
1. Inform them that your time to answer their questions will cost them $150.00/hours and ask them how they would like to pay cask or credit card. Ask them for their credit card number so you can start the charge, and inform them the cahgre period starts now.
2. Tell them that you also have something to sell them. Then out “pitch” them.
3. Get rid of your home phone all together. As soon as I did, and relied entirely on Cell phone I now receive exactly zero calls. (Thank God the cell companies cannot legally give out listings to the public)
The same technique works for trash mail, but slightly different. I put all that into a monthly mailer and I mail it to my local politician’s office (the ones I don’t like). That way they have to deal with as much trash volum as I do. And I get to vote with my bulk mail junk.
I tried returning to the post office everything not addressed to me, but the Post office said that was not legal (yet it is legal for them to allow the junk mailers to mail it.) I also tried the services to stoip junk mail, the post office gave me, but that did not stop it. Writing back to each company nasty letters, took too much time but occassionally I mail a whopper bulk mail package to a company presidents office that abuses me the most.
Try it you’ll like it!
My grandfather has always had my favorite approach to dealing with telemarketers… He makes conversation with them. If there’s time enough, often they are very lengthy conversations.
A woman once called him about a septic tank treatment she was endorsing, and he had her on the phone for over 40 minutes asking questions… some of which led her to believe he was interested (”Well how will this work better than what I do now?”"Is this worth it; I’ve never had a problem with my septic?”) , but for the most part, his questions were a simple waste of her time. He asked if she owned a septic tank and when she said she didn’t he wasted a great deal of time asking her how she knows this stuff works if she doesn’t use it, how she can trust a company that sells things through people unfamiliar with the product, and if she would like to some take a look at his septic system to learn how one works.
Eventually, he actually got her to hang up on HIM! He has done this a number of times, and though very entertaining, it is actually quite useful, because telemarketers are instructed to remove such people as my grandfather from thier phone list. No one wants to have their time wasted.
The more telemarketers you have a little fun with, (and surely you realize that they expect these responses from some people and can deal with a little rejection, working in the position they do,) the fewer calls you’ll end up recieving on the whole. If you have the time to waste THEIR time, it’s a win/win situation. If not, politely decline and hang up, no biggie…
Also, on the topic briefly mentioned about the bulk mail, a simple scratching out (with a black permanent marker) of your name, street address, and the barcode at the bottom of the envelope, and writing “RETURN TO SENDER” on the front gives the post office a legal obligation to return the mail. Just think of how much less garbage a company would send out if they had to deal with all of it coming back!! I love saving up the junk mail and dropping a big stack or returns into the public blue mail drop on Main Street.
I also enjoy filling out the prepaid postage cards found in magazines with phoney mailing information. I figure that the more prepaids go through the system, the more the government is making at the expense of big businesses that print them, the less they need to recieve to compensate for a reduced number of mailings in recent years, and the longer we can keep postage prices down a little. I’m uncertain of how many of these phoneys go through, but when you figure that it takes about 4 seconds to fill out one of these cards and no extra time to drop them in the public mail drop with some return to senders, it sounds to me like it’s worth the gamble!
Nice Ideas! If everyone did this it would stop and the lawyers and politicians would realize people have a right to stop unsilicited abuse.