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Comcast Channels The Ghost Of Stalin

By Greg L | 13 November 2007 | Humor & Satire, Manassas City | 22 Comments

Utterly brain-dead. Insanely self-destructive. Unfathomably stupid. How can one fully describe the way Comcast interacts with its customers and the public without resorting to profanity? It’s a question that will certainly engage the minds of Manassas residents for generations, as Comcast establishes itself as the ultimate case-study in the effects of recruiting customer service personnel from those formerly employed in political prisoner interrogation facilities by the KGB and the Iraqi Revolutionary Guard.

Our stalwart homeowner, who has been suffering the predation of these corporate thugs since September, won a minor victory yesterday after a group of technicians showed up, refused to say what they were doing, and then quickly removed their electrical enclosure farm in front of this homeowner’s house. Today Comcast returned, and representative Moses Conteth berated this resident for having the temerity to actually speak about their mistreatment, and vowed to come back with all of their equipment and do whatever they wanted in front of her house, regardless of how they felt. It’s for the greater good. You may not stand in the way of our inevitable and unwavering march of progress. Just be a good proletariat and stop complaining.

When I asked if I don’t have a right to disagree with how the units look or the placement, or the height…or anything, he shot back, “No! You have no rights. Be grateful for having a phone and internet. You have no right to question what we do. You have no right to question your city. Live with it.”

Meanwhile, a neighbor had signed up for Comcast triple-play, and due to contractors improperly excavating in the area has been without not only internet, but telephone service for 45 days, with no end to this outage in sight. They’ve plead with Comcast to help them. The beneficent and wise potentates of Comcast have generously responded, so now they’ll get a credit on their bill, of course, for the services they haven’t gotten. They should be grateful, since Comcast hasn’t managed to burn their house down, yet. Calling 9-1-1 to report a fire when Comcast horks up your phone for weeks on end can be awfully problematic. I understand they’re shipping these loyal customers two tin cans and a ball of string to hold them over, someday. Free of charge, no less. How generous.

Conveniently, Comcast can point their fingers at the City of Manassas, and the city can point their fingers right back. William Smith, the supervisor of the now-infamous city inspector George Jalius, is saying that the five foot pole is required under the guidelines established by city Communication Electrical Engineer Kevin Shriver, in case Manassas ever gets a five-foot snowfall, and meter readers need access. Should we ever get one of these monster blizzards, can you ever imagine a city employee venturing out into the then-frozen wasteland that Manassas would then be to read a meter? We must be paying city employees pretty darned well to inspire such a heroic devotion to duty. What revolutionary spirit!

Meanwhile there’s MS-13 graffiti still adorning a fence on Lomond Drive near Point of Woods in Manassas. Maybe they should transfer some of these meter readers to whatever division of city government handles removal of gang tagging. They could enact an ordinance that all fences on residential property should be constructed of half-inch thick steel painted with special anti-graffiti coatings, and engineered to withstand a hurricane with two hundred mile an hour winds. Anyone who complains about the ordinance could be involuntarily signed up for a year of Comcast cable.

This Monday there’s going to be a meeting of the Manassas City Council. The opportunity to make this one of the most interesting city council meetings in history is enormous. I can envision an outside display of someone dressed as a Comcast customer service agent torturing a bound and gagged city resident with a whip, sales of the top-secret “Comcast Customer Service Guide” detailing the most personally rewarding means of harassing their customers, the cameo appearance of Joseph Stalin, and an audience at the council meeting toting framing hammers and humming Pink Floyd tunes. For the nascent political troublemaker, such a ripe opportunity to eviscerate the most hated corporate entity in area history may never again present itself.

Let’s bury this reprobate corporate abuser in the ash-heap of history.



The opinions expressed here are solely the views of the author, and not representative of the position of any organization, political party, doughnut shop, knitting guild, or waste recycling facility, but may be correctly attributed to the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. If anything in the above article has offended you, please click here to receive an immediate apology.

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22 Comments

  1. MP Resident said on 13 Nov 2007 at 5:02 pm:
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    “William Smith, the supervisor of the now-infamous city inspector George Jalius, is saying that the five foot pole is required under the guidelines established by city Communication Electrical Engineer Kevin Shriver, in case Manassas ever gets a five-foot snowfall, and meter readers need access.”

    What a load…if they can’t read the meter they’ll estimate the reading.

    That’s assuming they still haven’t installed remote-read electric meters.

    But then we’re talking about the electric company that installed “odometer” style electric meters. Anyone wonder why they installed those type of meters? Easier for idiots to read.

  2. Becky Dee said on 13 Nov 2007 at 5:11 pm:
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    Comcast dug up my yard last summer and replaced a small box with one three times the size. It is such an eyesore, but honestly, this poor person’s situation takes the cake. I truly hope the Manassas council members will do something. Our property values are going down enough as it is… let’s not let Comcast drive them further into the ground by installing electrical substations on our front lawns all over the city.

  3. DennisD said on 13 Nov 2007 at 5:23 pm:
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    I suggest that the homeowner (or any other victim) submit a FOIA request for the franchise contract between COMCAST and the City of Manassas. A quick read of the document should provide a clear definition of what COMCAST is required to do, the allowable time frame and the parameters of their customer service. If COMCAST has violated the terms of the agreement, they stand to lose the franchise.

    If you find a violation, I suggest you contact the City Attorney and file a formal complaint. Enough complaints and something will be done.

    BTW be sure to CC the Virginia State Corporation Commission with the complaint. They keep track of such complaints and will take action. Verizon is currently on the block in Richmond.

  4. Batson D. Belfrey said on 13 Nov 2007 at 5:45 pm:
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    Time to get the hammer (less sickle). Experience has shown that Comcxast will respect the Hammer. I could go into my Comacast travails, but Greg has limited dsic space. Suffice it to say, the only thing I get from them is internet, because that’s what my comapny mandates. Everything else is Dish network, vonage and verizon.

  5. Anonymous said on 13 Nov 2007 at 6:27 pm:
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    I have one word for Comcast.

    DirecTV.

  6. anon said on 13 Nov 2007 at 6:41 pm:
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    Could the homeowner possibly contact the Bristow hammer granny to dispose of the problem?

  7. redawn said on 13 Nov 2007 at 6:52 pm:
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    Anon,

    Do you mean Jack? ;)

  8. dmg said on 13 Nov 2007 at 9:04 pm:
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    Switched from Dish Network to Comcast because of the high speed internet which I can’t get with Dish Network.
    I have hated it since day one.
    They have screwed up EVERY single thing they have ever done. Dish Network had the best customer service versus having my boxes changed twice, 2 outages because the people can’t turn anything on or off…and this is in one year. Fois comes and I’m off Comcast and back on Dish.

  9. John Light said on 13 Nov 2007 at 11:32 pm:
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    Up here in Springfield I have Verizon FIOS. I am sooo glad that ComCrap is not here!!! I remember living in Dale City back in the mid-90s and all of a sudden, we could no longer get the basic channels. I told my son’s babysitter about this and she said the same thing happened in her neighborhood (the street just down from Hillendale and Dale Blvd) and when she saw the ComCrap technician, he told her, “Get used to it - time to get Comcast…free TV is DEAD.”

  10. Parker said on 14 Nov 2007 at 2:49 am:
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    I hope that meeting IS ‘most interesting’. If someone where to actually do those theatrics and video was gotten I bet it would be a story picked up nationally esp after the wonderful hammer story. I too have experienced the startling ineptness of comcast. I have quiet a few stories but let me just tell you this. Once at the comcast building in dale city, the one with the large antennas and satellite dishes behind it, I was told that they couldn’t answer a technical question because that location was only a ‘payment center’!

  11. Mark W. Weaver said on 14 Nov 2007 at 6:47 am:
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    Does anyone here have first-hand experience with the city’s Com-Tek Internet system which brings an Internet connection through electrical lines? I am considering to try it, but am concerned it will not be as fast as my Comcast connection.

  12. anonymous said on 14 Nov 2007 at 11:07 am:
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    ” I remember living in Dale City back in the mid-90s and all of a sudden, we could no longer get the basic channels. I told my son’s babysitter about this and she said the same thing happened in her neighborhood (the street just down from Hillendale and Dale Blvd) and when she saw the ComCrap technician, he told her, “Get used to it - time to get Comcast…free TV is DEAD.” ”

    TV antennas worked fine in the 90s. They still do, although you’ll need an HDTV convertor in about a year.

  13. Bob Sentz said on 14 Nov 2007 at 12:21 pm:
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    Not sure where, but there is a place in Manassas where you can actually see first hand how BPL works. The City manager should be able to hook you up with the necessary info.

  14. Citizen with the many units in the yard said on 14 Nov 2007 at 12:31 pm:
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    We use the BPL out of Manassas City, and have no problems. I think it has gone down only twice in all the time we have had it. I would recommend trying it out.

  15. Josh said on 14 Nov 2007 at 1:36 pm:
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    I dont regret the day I switched from comcast to directv. My internet is slower now (DSL) but I’m much happier with the service and the channels, there’s a ton of them!

  16. Steve Randolph said on 14 Nov 2007 at 4:09 pm:
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    If any Manassas City resident is currently having an
    unresolved issue with Comcast over easement issues
    (poorly installed equipment, inadequate landscaping,etc)
    please e-mail Larry Hughes, Manassas City Manager,
    with as many specifics as possible. He is slated to
    meet with Comcast officials this week.
    (lhughes@ci.manassas.va.us). Thank you.

  17. Anonymous said on 15 Nov 2007 at 9:39 am:
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    Comcast sued over Web interference By JORDAN ROBERTSON, AP Technology Writer
    Thu Nov 15, 5:58 AM ET

    SAN JOSE, Calif. - A San Francisco Bay area subscriber to Comcast Corp.’s high-speed Internet service has sued the company, alleging it engages in unfair business practices by interfering with subscribers’ file sharing.

    Subscriber Jon Hart based his claims on the results of an investigation by the Associated Press published last month that showed Philadelphia-based Comcast actively interferes with attempts some high-speed Internet subscribers to share files online.

    Hart’s lead lawyer, Mark N. Todzo of San Francisco, said his client suspected before reading the AP report that Comcast was interfering with his Internet traffic.

    “What the AP report did was just confirm to him that it wasn’t just him who was suffering from the problem,” Todzo said. “There was this confluence of events where everyone seemed to reach the same conclusion, which was that Comcast was engaging in this activity.”

    Other users claimed they had seen interference with some file-sharing applications. Subsequent tests by the Electronic Frontier Foundation confirmed the AP’s tests, which showed that Comcast is causing software on both ends of a file-sharing link to believe the connection has been dropped.

    A coalition of consumer groups and legal scholars formally asked the Federal Communications Commission early this month to make Comcast stop interfering with file sharing. Two of the groups also asked the FCC to fine Comcast $195,000 for every affected subscriber.

    Comcast is the country’s largest cable company and second-largest Internet service provider with 12.9 million Internet subscribers.

    The company denies it blocks file sharing. But it acknowledged after the AP report was published that it delays some of the traffic between computers that share files.

    Comcast said the delays are designed to improve the Internet experience for its subscribers as a whole. A relatively small number of file sharers is enough to slow down a network.

    Hart’s lawsuit, filed Tuesday in Alameda County Superior Court, alleges Comcast misleads customers by promising “mind-blowing” speeds and “unfettered access” to the Internet in advertisements while hindering the use of certain applications such as peer-to-peer file sharing. It seeks unspecified money damages.

    Todzo is seeking class action status for the lawsuit.

    Comcast and its subsidiaries “intentionally and severely impede the use of certain Internet applications by their customers, slowing such applications to a mere crawl or stopping them altogether,” the lawsuit reads. “This class action seeks to end (Comcast’s) practice and seeks recovery of fees paid by customers who paid for services they did not receive.”

    A Comcast spokesman reached late Wednesday said the company hadn’t been served with the lawsuit yet and could not comment.

    ___

    On the Net:

    Comcast’s position on the dispute: http://www.comcast.net/help/

  18. Manassas Citizen said on 15 Nov 2007 at 5:35 pm:
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    I am hoping that all citizens who are concerned about this issue with Comcast will show up to the meeting on Monday at 7:30. We need to stand together and show the City and Comcast that we have a right to have our say as well. Let’s fill that room and show them we mean business!

  19. Anonymous said on 21 Nov 2007 at 3:35 pm:
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    test
    test
    test

    just seein’ if you allow html in comments

  20. Anonymous said on 21 Nov 2007 at 3:57 pm:
    Flag comment

    test
    test
    test
    test
    test
    test
    testtest
    testtest

  21. Anonymous said on 21 Nov 2007 at 4:48 pm:
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    another test

    okay I’m done.

  22. Dustin said on 21 Nov 2007 at 7:52 pm:
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    I have sworn a personal oath: if I ever become wealthy enough, I will create my own cable/dish company and offer a free year of service for everyone who can bring in two concurrent Comcast bills.

    BTW, love the blog
    Left-leaning Libertarian in Little Rock

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