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Dumb Criminals, Part MCLXIIV

By Greg L | 5 July 2011 | Humor & Satire, Prince William County | 9 Comments

Poor, little, criminally-bent hard-up dude.  He can’t find a date.  He can’t afford something inflatable.  To top it off he gets caught by the cops inside the closet of the Woodbridge MVC Late Night store in flagrante dilecto with a blow-up doll.  The suspect’s name is — get this — “Little Jim.”

I so value the adult stores in Prince William County.  What an asset they are.  They always seem to attract the best and brightest, don’t they?

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  1. Padre said on 5 Jul 2011 at 5:51 pm:
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    It doesn’t speak real well of the Army either.

  2. es_la_ley said on 5 Jul 2011 at 6:58 pm:
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    I guess he wanted one for free instead of paying their inflated price?

  3. Cynic said on 5 Jul 2011 at 7:38 pm:
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    Bet he’s a former officer in quick order —-
    well, maybe “NOT”. Have to rehabilitate him - provide employment for the psychologists, psychiatrists, and other counseling professionals.

  4. Me said on 5 Jul 2011 at 10:05 pm:
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    And he is a democrat representative from which district again?

  5. Steve Thomas said on 6 Jul 2011 at 2:23 pm:
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    Hey, he’s just expressing his normal human sexuality…right? I mean, look at nature. There’s sooooo many examples of animals having sex with inanimate objects. Trees. Bushes. Rocks. So it’s just natural for a man to want to break into a store, and get it on with an inflatable piece of plastic. Of course, I am sure that the accused NEVER looks at pornography, or patronizes strip clubs, but even if he does, these had no effect on his ability to have a healthy human sexual relationship. He just prefers the “openess” that establishements like this provide. And he wasn’t breaking and entering. Nope. He was just exercising his human sexual freedom (to copulate with a pool toy). I mean, this SCREAMS “Couples Boutique”, doesn’t it?

  6. Dave in PWC said on 6 Jul 2011 at 6:52 pm:
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    Was it a male or female doll? It was an Army officer after all… Sorry Greg, I’m former Navy.

  7. Franco said on 7 Jul 2011 at 12:22 pm:
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    When did the Army do away with their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Inflate” rule?

    For the record, years ago I saw a walrus pleasure himself to completion at SeaWorld in front of a crowd of people. And don’t forget about dogs humping people’s legs. Happens all the time. Just ask Cousin’ Eddie.

  8. Kay and Kay said on 7 Jul 2011 at 1:05 pm:
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    Do Betsty and Raymundo and Sindy know? I here they are looking to do a fundraiser for a good cause.

  9. Freedom said on 12 Jul 2011 at 7:54 am:
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    He was probably just prepping to become a teacher in the PWC school system…:(

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