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Manassas: What A Great Place To Live!

By Greg L | 8 March 2013 | Humor & Satire, Prince William County | 5 Comments

I really appreciate it when the local media outlets do such a fine job of promoting the communities they serve as such a wonderful place to live, work, and raise a family.  In this installment of “What A Great Place To Live” we turn to Manassas Park Patch which is happy to let us know that there are now TWO — count ‘em — two different businesses in the area that will teach women the fine art of pole dancing.  Readers even get a video showing the monumental talents of our local instructors, shot by a very enthusiastic Patch reporter.

Well, just who wouldn’t be excited to get paid to report on the pole dancing magnificence of our local community?

I don’t harbor any illusions whatsoever that this kind of instructional program could possibly exist without significant public support, but I am somewhat disappointed that Patch neglected to tell us about the federal employment job retraining programs that certainly help to make this valuable resource available.  If you happen to be a young woman in the Manassas area, perhaps even a single mother, and find yourself struggling to find work there’s no doubt in my mind at all that some sort of tuition reimbursement program is available to help you realize your dreams and set you on the path of a very prosperous future.  If you happen to already be earning an income in this exciting industry, there’s no doubt tuition would be considered a tax-deductible business expense.

Manassas is now the capital of pole dancing instruction.  I am so proud I feel my heart is close to bursting.

The opinions expressed here are solely the views of the author, and not representative of the position of any organization, political party, doughnut shop, knitting guild, or waste recycling facility, but may be correctly attributed to the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. If anything in the above article has offended you, please click here to receive an immediate apology.

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  1. James 315 said on 8 Mar 2013 at 2:44 pm:
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    These businesses are in violation of the Code and must buy a $500 pole dancing permit. If they fail to do so they will fall prey to ferocious attack hamsters who will suicide gank them without mercy. They must also place a sign in their window pledging allegiance to me. This is not negotiable.

    The New Order has arrived in Manassas.

    See minerbumping.com for details.

  2. Anonymous said on 9 Mar 2013 at 6:47 pm:
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    Make it rain kids

  3. Claire Voyant said on 9 Mar 2013 at 10:58 pm:
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    Greg….You seem to pride yourself on being securely grounded with facts before you eagerly “bungee-jump” into the deep end of the opinion pool….whatever the subject.
    Your eagerness to join the pole dancers left you short……on your facts, however.

    Just as the Bobbits severed their relationship nearby in Prince William County (NOT Manassas), so too, the “dance” studios are NOT in Manassas, but rather Prince William County. The Manassas zip codes have the small city of 10 square miles playing much larger than it really is……particularly in the media.

    Another irony….It was the Manassas PARK Patch which broke the pole dance story.

  4. Greg L said on 9 Mar 2013 at 11:35 pm:
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    That might be the reason why this is classified as a Prince William County story rather than a Manassas City story. Ah, details, details…

    Not to mention nearly half the county is considered “Manassas” for locale purposes, including the part where I happen to live. We get to revel in this greatness collectively, whether we happen to live within city limits or not.

  5. Claire Voyant said on 10 Mar 2013 at 10:04 am:
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    Here is the apparent origin of Greg’s cartoon which had no attribution.


    And Greg…..You have lowered youself to the level of the headline writers your regularly excoriate. You don’t let the facts get in the way of your storyline.

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